Seeking Fragrance

PDX Contemporary Art, Portland, Oregon / September 2020

Tokyo morning. Opening the door to my studio, I am greeted by handsome concrete wall - a distinctly Japanese motif. The ceiling is high, expressing a lofty spaciousness for such a small, windowless cube. Fluorescent lights hover in the liminal space. My work is pinned to the wall on my left. I side-eye the drawing from the night before, then coyly ignore it. I remove my coat and hang it on the outer door as if it were for sale. I think about that for a minute. A thick sheet of paper rests on my work table. My brushes are washed and aligned, arranged from fat to thin, pointing upward - a symbolic compass from the night before. They are gestures in themselves, like a nicely made bed inviting me to pick up where I left off.

I take a seat on my green metal stool - festooned with foam and rope. I sip my 7-11 coffee and regard the recent drawing - which at this point is throbbing off the wall. I raise my head and stare it down. To be honest, I like it. But its strange. Increasingly strange. Needs work. Worrisome thoughts unfold and darken. Fundamental doubts circle back to recognizable deficits. All the preemptive measures to appeal to my enthusiasm have been in vain. Was it me or my work that was inconsolable?

Photography by Yusuke Tsuchida and Mario Gallucci